Man refuses to pay for dinner after his date tells him she is not interested in seeing him again, she confronts him about it: 'Your whole attitude is transactional'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 25, 2025 10:00 PM EST

It is often alarming to know just how many rules and unspoken codes there are to dating in modern years. Certain ways you should text, specific words you should use or avoid, timelines in order to secure a day, so many things people have to follow and accept as they are meeting someone new.

Every time I hear about an unspoken code someone broke unknowingly, it makes me think of How I Met Your Mother, a sitcom that is all about dating as a person in their late 20s, and I am reminded of how difficult it seemed to be even back in 2007.

When Ted (the main character in the show), meets someone who he likes, he goes on elaborate scenes in order to get her to agree to go out with him. And as romantic as it may sound, it also sounds incredibly exhausting. How can one follow so many rules?

The rule of who pays for the date is also a big rule that tends to be quite tiring. The man is expected to pay, even if he doesn't see a future there, and even if the other person says the same thing. If the woman deeply cares about equality and is insistent on paying, you should let her–but only after insisting a specific amount of time to ensure she wasn't just saying that because she felt awkward.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement

  • The man who went on a date in the story below was definitely not aware of all these dating rules, because it seems like he made a big mistake. Luckily for him, he already knew there was not going to be a second date, so there wasn't much to lose.

    Keep scrolling to read the full story and the judgemental comments that followed.

  • 01
    "Get coffee next time"
    via Liliboas
  • 02

    "Am I wrong for not paying for my date after she admitted there probably wouldn’t be a second date"

    I went on a first date last night with someone I matched on Bumble. We had dinner at a nice restaurant, and we vibed well. I thought there was a possibility of a second date, so
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 03
    when we finished having dessert, I asked her if we could do this again. She said she liked me but she wanted to be honest and said there probably wouldn't be a
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 04
    second date as she didn't think we were compatible. I actually really appreciated her honesty and thanked her for it. At the end of the date, I
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 05
    only paid for my portion. It was admittedly a really expensive bill, by far the most expensive dinner bill I have. ever seen. But I definitely would have paid for her
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 06
    portion if we went on a second date. After she paid for her portion, she said if I was only going to pay for my portion, I should have chosen a much less expensive restaurant.
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 07
    I told her she should have understood the dynamics and said no to the choice of restaurant then. She should have understood that a lot of
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 08
    people won't just pay for the whole date if they're never meeting the person again. Am I wrong?
    via CompetitiveCoast6426
  • 09
    snowplowmom You're wrong for having a first date at an expensive restaurant. First dates should be for coffee and a walk, something really inexpensive.
    via snowplowmom
  • 10
    Ismone If you invited her, you're wrong. If you guys mutually chose the restaurant, she's wrong.
    via Ismone
  • 11
    Right_Bee_9809 I have two conflicting reactions here. When I went on a first date with a guy, and I didn't want to see him again, I would try to pay for my own meal.
    via Right_Bee_9809
  • 12
    However, you invited her out, you selected an expensive restaurant, and then she had to pay for it herself. That's just ride...not only related to dating. If you invite someone out then they are your guest.
    via Right_Bee_9809
  • 13
    Mojitobozito I feel like if you had planned to pay for it initially and only changed your mind when there wasn't a second date (which is what you are telling us here) then you should have paid for it.
    via Mojitobozito
  • 14
    When we go on dates or invite people out for meals at a place that we choose, it is generally done with the realization that it may or may not work out. People are
    via Mojitobozito
  • 15
    going for the possibility. Nobody owes you a second date if they're not interested in you. This feels like you are treating her as some kind of commodity and it is very
    via Mojitobozito
  • 16
    transactional. Do you want to feel like you're buying people's time? If you don't want to accept that you might be out of pocket a few times when meeting people, then choose lower cost dates or make it clear you want to split.
    via Mojitobozito
  • 17
    TakeAnotherLilP If you invite someone on a date AND choose the restaurant, you're paying. It's that simple. Lesson learned for you and bullet dodged by her.
    via TakeAnotherLilP
  • 18
    DreamingofCharlie I am not surprised she didn't want a second date with you. Your whole attitude is very transactional and that is a turn off.
    via DreamingofCharlie
  • 19
    Why even pick an expensive restaurant for a first date? Were you trying to impress her? Make her think she owes you something? Next time get coffee.
    via DreamingofCharlie
  • 20
    Hooliken Met my wife of 25 years for some sandwiches in a public park. We still enjoy the simple joys in life.
    via Hooliken
  • 21
    TimTkt If you chose an expensive restaurant yourself and decided to pay only your part because she didn't want to continue, yeah it's pretty
    via TimTkt
  • 22
    When I was dating I was only going for a drink (or coffee) for the first date, this way you can always pay without ruining yourself and if there is a second date you can then go to whichever restaurant you want.
    via TimTkt

Tags

boyfriend first date relationship advice date drama relationship-drama reddit story relationships girlfriend advice couples dinner love food Reddit money dating
Scroll Down For The Next Article